As a child, Tanya spent a lot of time up trees with a skipping rope tied around her waist trying to turn into a monkey.
Tanya also spent a lot of time rescuing stranded worms, mending snails’ shells with sellotape, righting beetles, and burying the dead birds that the cat brought home.
Tanya used to have a pet pig called Tilly.
She can make a horse’s lower lip go floppy.
She always wanted to be a natural blonde and once bleached her hair banana yellow by mistake.
Later on she dyed it bright pink. Deliberately.
In years and years of PE lessons Tanya never, ever managed to hit the rounders’ ball.
Or the tennis ball.
Tanya used to hide in the toilets at school discos because she was such a terrible dancer.
Tanya still is a terrible dancer.
But she loves Strictly.
Tanya is terrified of heights.
Tanya knows how to milk a goat.
But has never milked a cow.
Tanya can make a tapir faint with happiness.
Tanya Landman 